Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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