I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
