Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
