There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
