I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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