I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
