please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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