What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
