I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
