Do you still have your period?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize