walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Randomize
