when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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