the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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