Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
