lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
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