3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My liver just had a heart attack.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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