I feel like I'm in dance class right now
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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