I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
