i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How does it feel to date your dad?
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