Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
