so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My feet surprised me
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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