Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
