So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
zippers are such a cool invention
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
