All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My dick has a subreddit
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
