Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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