ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
