I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
