Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
