fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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