oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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