i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
