Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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