FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
