I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The beer is more important than you right now.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
