dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize