Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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