he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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