I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
