well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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