did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
