If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
