What a fucking waste of an outfit
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
