You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
