I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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