Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
