If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
