dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
