i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
