Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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