I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
