it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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