Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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