so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize