I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
