when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
