I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
