Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
