thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
