AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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