two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize