I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
