Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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