susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize