So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
home. puking in laundry basket.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize