What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize