Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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