party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
