My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
