We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
