I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
