OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
