I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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