she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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