The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
