I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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