shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
