i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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