Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
